I must admit that I found it far more difficult than expected yesterday. On the one hand, I felt fantastic! On the other hand, it seemed like CANDY was everywhere. I walked past a cute little candy store, someone brought some into the office, and when I went to get a magazine I almost crumbled and bought m&ms. When I did this experiment in February, I was working from home, so giving it up was simple: don't buy any and you won't be tempted to eat any. This time it is different. This time I am trying to be more mindful about my state of body and mind. Knowing that the dietary choices I've been making lately are, at the very least, contributing to the exhausted, stressed-out, and depressed person I've been is the underlying motivation for change. Also, I've been looking to deepen my yoga practice and my spiritual foundation. Mindfulness is key in this pursuit.
Each time a craving hit yesterday, I kept coming back to this thought: If I could quit drinking, then I can definitely do this. In comparison, this is a walk in the park. It made me realize how powerfully inspiring recovery can be. Giving up alcohol was by far the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. I've done some difficult things. But nothing was as frightening or as difficult as choosing to take action on that one thing. I felt like I had an impossible objective and that nothing would ever be the same again. Looking back, I am mystified by those feelings. Same??? Really? Why would I have clung so desperately to the very thing that was killing my will to continue living? And yet, I did. I knew had simply had to do it. And so far, one day at a time, I have been able to keep doing it.
With these other changes, I'm sure there are emotional and psychological motives driving me to fear and craving. With abstinence I'm certain they'll come into the light to be dealt with. Using the tools I've learned to get and to stay sober will definitely help.
I don't want to make a great big deal out of this thing. I really don't. I don't want to take away from the real hard work of getting sober. Finding a reprieve from addiction is the holy grail. This is a discontinued cup from Wallmart. However, since I quit drinking I've really begun to see glimpses of myself standing in my own way. I want to get the hell out of the way very badly.