Monday, December 3, 2012

Terrified of Change

I'm fully aware that it sounds silly to say I fear change when I just made a huge move. The thing is, I was scared then too. But not this kind of scared. I moved a ton when I was a kid and over the past five years, we've moved a lot, so I feel like an old hand at it. As I write this, I wonder if it's silly at all. I was scared about making the move here and did have to address a lot of fears, especially around whether it was the right thing to do. I probably spent two months in a state of anxiety. The thing that's truly strange is that I've totally forgotten about all of that.

The locus of my fear right now is about my job. I was going to say my career, but let's be honest, it's really a matter of a simple job change and I'm not sure whether it's the right thing to do. I'm bored silly at work right now and because I'm working from home I miss out on the office chatter. I really really miss being around people - far more than I thought I would - and I'm having issues with motivation. There is the potential to change jobs (it may not even come to fruition) and I find myself wishing for some kind of sign (by sign, I mean a clearly written email from God telling me what to do in this situation). I am afraid that if I make the change it won't change how I feel about work right now - I'm unmotivated and really don't have the energy to try really hard. I'm afraid if I do go it will mean being stuck in the same role forever, without the opportunity for growth from within the company. I'm afraid if I stay, I'll be here forever. I've been unhappy with my current job for such a long time that it's become a familiar friend almost.

This is pretty rambling today, but I wanted to let you know where I'm at.

2 comments:

  1. You're trying to eat this whole elephant all at once. Slow down. All you have to do today is investigate it further to see if it really appeals to you. Maybe an interview. You don't have to accept the job and you don't have to worry about what's going to happen down the road.

    These things have a way of working themselves out. Just breathe through the fear and take it like you take your sobriety...one day at a time.

    Hope this helps.

    Sherry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for this Sherry. I've been trying to keep it in mind since I first read your comment. I'll hope the answer is clear when it's time to make the decision. If it comes to that.

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