Thursday, December 6, 2012

Wishing Away

Years ago, when my oldest daughter was still a toddler, I can remember tucking her in a night and thinking "it must be so nice to go to sleep and wake up without a hangover." It was a weird random thought that flitted through my consciousness every month or two, depending on how much I was drinking at the time. I didn't want to quit drinking at that point, although sometimes I wished it would just go away. Poof. No more hangovers. I'm not even sure why I never considered actually quitting at this point, before any real damage was done to my kids, my marriage, and my reputation. I just didn't.

I still wish things away. I'll have a niggling feeling that something isn't quite right with my life and rather than do the work to remove the issue, I'll wish it away. I'll cross my fingers and hope it doesn't happen. Or that some mystical force will address it. Or that I'll get used to it and things won't seem so bad. Half the time, I'm not even sure what the right resolution is and I think that's part of my inaction.

Now that my daughter is growing up, I realize her life isn't quite so simple anymore. She has worries and responsibilities now. She carries her own burdens. I miss when things were simple. I hope she keeps telling me about what's bothering her for a long time. And I hope there's something I can say or do that helps her.

I am very glad to be sober today. I may not wake up refreshed exactly, but it is so nice to not wake up with a hangover. Even after almost two and a half years I can still say that.

1 comment:

  1. Even after twenty eight years I am glad to wake up and not be hungover; i remember quite well how badly they made me feel.


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