Over the past ten days I've noticed a subtle shift in my energy levels and mood as a result of cutting out added sugar altogether. I feel more grounded and more stable. The first three days were really hard. I was so used to my afternoon and evening sugar pick-me-up that I felt a bit crazy, but after that I really didn't even want it. Which was great.
However, on Friday I had dessert after dinner. This led to cookies on Saturday (which weren't even very good). And then on Sunday I ate chocolate covered caramels, which were good. It doesn't really matter that I fell off this particular wagon, but I did notice something particularly troubling. It is this: while I was washing dishes on Friday, I started to tell myself that dessert once a week was perfectly fine and totally normal. Saturday, I decided that it made total sense to eat sugar on the weekends as long as I wasn't eating during the week. And the logic of this progression felt incredibly comfortable - it's exactly what I did when I was drinking. I knew with great certainty that within a few weeks I'd be back to feeling crazy and tired and jangled from eating sugary snacks every single day. Proof occurred on Sunday when I decided I'd start again Monday and used the excuse to cram in as much junk as I could handle.
So, I'm back on it. It's weird. I find it somewhat difficult to take this seriously, because it's not as bad as drinking. However, I do know that increasingly studies are showing a link between sugar consumption and a host of diseases. I also know that sugar and nicotine are both stimulants. In order to kick the smoking habit, I need to work on that overall dependence on stimulants. So it is important.
On another note, I spent the weekend worrying about work. I get the distinct impression that some people don't think I'm doing such a great job. I was working myself into asking my boss if this is true, when I remembered that what other people think of me is none of my business. Moreover, if I want to really address any concerns, I need to go directly to the source, rather than continuing a "he said, she said" tendency that's rampant in my company. I felt much better once I remembered both things - I just wish I'd remembered this on Saturday so that I could have had a more relaxing time.
Oh how I can relate. When you wrote about wanting dessert once a week, that's like my big hope right now. I'm still on the wagon and keep waiting for this light bulb to go off and realize I don't crave sugar anymore, but it hasn't happened yet.
ReplyDeleteThe consequences from sugar are nothing at all like with drinking, but the cravings and thought process feel very similar. Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone.
Boy, lots of correlations between drinking and food addictions/issues. I know a lot of women in recovery who struggle with food: sugar mainly. So, one can't help but believe there is a true correlation, a physical craving as great as the one we had to drink. True, we do not need alcohol to live, but we do need food. The key is we don't need sugar, but along with providing a "boost" sugar tastes and often feels good going in... the response for me is very tactile. Knowing this, I have to try hard to think my way out of caving into sugar cravings. I use "move a muscle.. change a thought" often. I also make lists of the reasons I try to eat well. I pull out picture of myself when I was morbidly obese. I think about eating to live, not living to eat. It requires that I slow it all down: Pray, Pause, Proceed. Thanks for your post. I too, am glad that I am not in this alone.
ReplyDeleteTara, you are on the way to complete recovery and sugar will fall by the wayside too. Promise... Stay the course, it gets easier as the years go by, really it does. Thank you for this blog.
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